Update

Hi!  Just wanted to update you guys that The Power of Inner Guidance reached local best-seller on Dallas Morning News again!  Thanks for your support!

http://www.guidelive.com/sharedcontent/dws/ent/books/stories/DN-bk_bestsellers_0323gui.State.Bulldog.45fe127.html

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Progress Report and Call To Action: The Power of Inner Guidance

Today, I opened an e-mail from one of my students.  She was congratulating me on the progress of The Power of Inner Guidance:  Seven Steps to Tune In and Turn On.  The only way I could see to respond was by borrowing a line from the Beatles:  I get by with a little help from my friends!  I am really very happy and grateful that so many friends and supporters have appeared to help me to get the word out about the book.  

Some of you have told your friends about the book, and some have bought multiple copies to hand out to others.  As so many of you have shown me that you are on my team and share my mission of helping others to lead lives of greater fulfillment, I want to update you on the good news so far!

So far, the book has sold over 500 copies!  I am so grateful that the book is getting into the hands of people who are reading it and benefitting!  It is a thrill for me that the book made it into the Dallas Morning News as a #2 on the Local Bestseller list!  The book was also stocked in a local Barnes and Nobles bookstore, out of which it has sold over 200 copies. 

If YOU want to help this book to keep going & helping others, I invite and welcome your support!  I believe that I’ve shared some of the key ingredients to long-term fulfillment in life in this little book.  MY HOPE is to reach all those who could benefit. 

So, I’ll share a secret with you.  I secretly expect that people who share the joy of creating more fulfillment for others will continue to appear to help me to move this book into the hands of those who want it!  This secret expectation has driven me to stretch out of my own comfort zone, making speeches, running workshops and getting onto the radio to teach what I know.  So, universe, hear this:  I am joyously reaching out, inviting, welcoming and thanking a great team of people who want to help me make this book a national bestseller!

Here are some ways to help this book to reach more people:

1.  Write a review of the book on bn.com and amazon.com.  You don’t have to write anything lengthy–in fact, simply writing a few sentences is perfect! 

2.  E-mail everyone in your address book and tell them to buy the book off of bn.com on May 1, 2008.  If you are planning on helping me in this way, let me know because I’m going to be offering special bonuses to all folks who buy the book on this day.  It will be great from them & they will thank you because they’re going to get access to bonus items that will outweigh the cost of the book.

3.  Connect me with others who might be willing to help. 

Here’s an event in which you help can make a world of difference.  Just think, it might be your efforts that help to change someone’s life.  And if you change just one life for the better, it is like changing an entire world.

Thank you again for your help and support!

 Pam Garcy, PhD

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Abundant Happiness: Getting into the Gratitude Zone and Creating More Joy!

The other day, I was answering some questions regarding gratitude and happiness.  I thought that I would share what I compiled with you.  This is from a psychology perspective, so as to give you more information about how getting into the gratitude zone actually operates to help you to create greater happiness in life. 

As an REBT cognitive-behavioral therapist, there are a variety of things that I use to help people to shift out of negative unhealthy emotional states and into rational/healthy emotional states.  I believe that choosing to be grateful can often lead to improved mood.  I believe that there are at least three processes at play here, based upon cognitive theory and research.

Cognitive activation is a mental process whereby focusing upon a specific thing leads you to “activate” associations to related things in your brain.  When we focus upon something that we appreciate, for example, we will naturally activate thoughts and emotions that are associated with the thing we appreciate, leading us to feel happier. 

Similar to this is what is called the availability hieuristic.  This is just a fancy way of saying that as we notice things, they become more available for us to notice more.  (Sort of like when you buy a new car and everyone seems to have that car.)  A focus upon the abundance in our lives creates an increased awareness of what we already have in our lives, making the good that we already have more available to our minds and leading us to notice it even more (kind of like a positive cycle).

In addition, creating a mental focus upon gratitude allows us to make what are called “downward comparisons“.  Often in the process of downward comparison, our mood improves.  Specifically, we shift our attention to that which we already have, rather than that which we lack.  Our comparisons become downward comparisons (Others have less than I do; I have more than I realized) rather than upward comparisons (Others have more than I do; I have less than I realized).  The process of comparing downward also helps people to feel happier.

You could think of this as creating an abundance focus or a gratitude zone, so as to influence your mood state more positively.  Some tips for creating a gratitude zone in your life:
1.  Learn to focus upon what you have.
2.  Ask yourself questions that trigger a grateful mental focus, such as, “What is great about this situation?”
3.  Express appreciation to others in your life on a regular basis, at least once daily.
4.  List all of the things that you have to be thankful for whenever you feel yourself straying out of this zone.

Please feel free to share your ideas on this topic!

Pam Garcy, PhD

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“What should I do?”

Since I started writing the e-zine Insourcing:  Inner Guidance Secrets, I’ve received wonderful and interesting e-mails from the readers.  Occasionally, I receive e-mails which ask the very specific question, “What should I do?”

These “What should I do” type of e-mails relate to readers’ personal problems and concerns.  I appreciate that people are willing to ask me for my opinion.  I also appreciate that they are reaching out for help.  Do not stop reaching out! 

But, I realized as I would attempt to diligently answer these e-mails, that there were four things that kept coming up for me.  I’d like to share these thoughts with you and hear what you think.

1.  What I’ve realized is that the question, “What should I do?” often implies that there is one and only one right course of action. 

2.  It also assumes that the answer to one’s dilemma is outside of oneself (that is, another person is in a better position to judge for you what this best course of action is).

3.  REBT talks about demands versus conditions when the word “should” comes up.  For some people, the “should” part of the question can translate into an internal demand (One might say, “I should take this course of action or I’m no good,” for example).  For others, the “should” is simply conditional (One might say, “If I should take this course of action, I should increase my odds of success,” for example). 

4.  The readers know more about their problems than I do and I often respond with guidelines that might relate to them solving their own problems trusting their inner guidance.  I believe this also fosters self-reliance and happiness.

I invite you to continue to send in your questions, so that I might help you to access your own answers.  I also hope that you will ask yourself these questions:

Am I seeking information, advise, or sympathy? What is my goal?

Is it really true that there is only one right answer to my question?  OR, Can there be many paths to the same outcome?

What are some paths which might allow me to create the outcome I desire?

In this instance, is there evidence that another person is in a better position to answer my question than I am?

These questions are best asked when you are in a quiet and relaxed place, and able to tap into your inner guidance.  If your mood is unhealthy, it is a good idea to take steps to improve your mood first.  For example, I recommend using Dr. Albert Ellis’s REBT to help improve your mood before this process of inner questioning takes place (as discussed in Power of Inner Guidance:  Seven Steps to Tune In and Turn On).

Then, you can get the ideas of others.  For example, I turn to my mastermind group once a week to tap into the power of their brilliance and the group synergy.  It is still okay to ask for help and to get feedback as to whether your answers for yourself are ethical to yourself, others, and the world as a whole.  You can gain greater clarity as you discuss your ideas and as you hear the opinions of others.

All I am saying is that I hope for you to honor your healthy inclinations first and foremost, remembering to take time for yourself and tap into the wonderful source of wisdom that is already residing within YOU!  There are gifts within you waiting to be claimed.  The more you own them and utilize your gifts, the more you will enjoy the pleasure of following your heart rationally.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

Pam Garcy, PhD

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Pass it on

The weather was beautiful.  The sun was shining in a cloudless sky.  The air was cool and crisp, inviting people to feel it.  It was a weekday morning and I’d just dropped the kids off at school.  I was sitting in a Starbucks drive-through.  I was preparing to order my nonfat cafe misto and a fat-full cranberry bliss bar.  I’d never had a cranberry bliss bar.  It was time to try it out.  I was ready for a great day.

In the mean time, there were a bunch of guys with leafblowers walking with looks of confusion on their faces.  It seemed as though they didn’t know where to blow the bounty of leaves that nature had dropped before them.  Converging upon various piles of leaves, they seemed to wander aimlessly, blowing leaves in no particular direction.

Unfortunately, the sound of the multiple leafblowers was so loud and there were so many leaves blowing in the wind that I had to close my window on this beautiful day.  I thought about my neighbor who detested leafblowers and was often complimented by others for her use of a broom and dustpan. 

All of the folks in the drive-through were closing their windows, wishing these guys would just finish their job & stop blowing stuff through open car windows. 

There was also a car in front of me.  As the lady approached the window to pick up her order, she seemed very calm and happy.  Here hair was nicely done and her nails neatly polished in shiny red.  She smiled and seemed completely unaffected by the great noise and calamity that was going on around us.  She was having what appeared to be a pleasant conversation with the lady at the drive through window.  It seemed like it was taking a long time too.

I waited to approach the window and pick up my order.  Thinking about the details of my day, I had already entered a trance-like state focused upon the upcoming work I would do.

At the pick-up window, a healthy looking woman asked me, “Do you know that lady who was ahead of you?”

“No, why?” I answered curiously.  This was an unusual question and was waking me out of my trance.

“Well, she wanted me to tell you Merry Christmas.  She paid for your drink & breakfast.”

“Wow–really?  Are you serious?  That was really nice of her–that is really cool!”  This encouraged me to leave an even nicer tip than normal.  I then got my drink & cranberry bar and drove forward, looking for the manicured lady.  She was gone.  I couldn’t say thanks.

Later that day, I picked up one of my children from school.  We pulled into the local burger drive-through (guess this was my drive-through day) and I began to tell him the story of what happened that morning. 

“Mommy, I know how you can say thanks,” he said wisely.  “You can pass it on.”  Out of the mouths of babes.

So, as I pulled up to the window, we told the lady at the cash register that we’d pay for the person behind us.  I looked through my rearview mirror at the driver behind me.  It was a woman about my age.  She wasn’t so neatly manicured.  Her car looked old and run down.  She had gold front teeth.  I wondered if she would be as pleasantly surprised as I was earlier that day, or if her thoughts would lead her to a different reaction.  She was a different color from me–would she think that I was trying to be condescending or that I was racist if I did this?  Or would she realize that this was just an attempt to reach out to another soul and perform a random act of kindness, no matter who was behind me?

Somehow, though, as quickly as the voice of doubt and hesitation entered my mind, it was admonished by a louder thought, “This is the person who the wish needs to reach.”  I was the go-between.  I remembered that the universe works through each of us, if we’ll just pass it on.  So, I passed it on. 

As my son and I drove off, I tried to figure out which felt better–giving or receiving.  You know what?  They both felt great. 

Pam Garcy, Ph.D.

copyright 2007

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Some here-and-there thoughts on Albert Ellis…

Remember that we are often unstoppable without even knowing it.  The unimagined that is yet to be imagined can become the easy and mundane in a moment.  A blind man who once was told he could never see again suddenly is introduced to a modern technological miracle—he can now see in a modified way.  The unimagined that is yet to be imagined can become the mundane.

And so it is with great thoughts and great thinkers….unless a modicum of appreciation is practiced.

Albert Ellis founded Rational Emotive Therapy in 1955.  He is the originator of RET, REBT, and modern day CBT.  There are those that would like to erase his name and own his contribution to modern psychology.  There also those will not allow this erasure to take place.  REBT is a living gift that Ellis gave to each of us; such generosity cannot be erased if there if even a few who pledge to remember and remind us.

Albert Ellis developed an entire school of thought and life based upon the Epictetus notion that people are disturbed by not by things, but by their thoughts about things.  Dr. Ellis died at home on July 27, 2007.  His wife, Debbie Joffee Ellis, cared for him during his final days.  The world owes him a large debt of gratitude, as he tirelessly pursued a belief in the power of the individual to shape his/her own thought, feelings, actions, and life.

His views have shaped my own to a profound extent.  He was one of the greatest thinkers of all time. He encouraged us to “have a ball” in our lives by teaching us specific ways to influence our emotions through scientific thinking.  He reminded us that we’re human, and he encouraged us to accept all that comes with our humanity.

I pray for his widow, for patients yet to benefit from his work, and for the perpetuation of the philosophy that he created and shared.

You can use REBT for many purposes.  One great purpose in using it is to help you to learn to think more rationally.  Why? Because rational thinking helps you to create a healthy emotional environment—one that allows you to reach your goals.  When your mental energy is freed, you can harness your greater creativity and passion as you pursue that which has meaning for you.

Remember that the shoulds that you place upon yourself are causing you agony, guilt, and shame.  The shoulds you place upon others are causing you anger—you are hurting yourself with your shoulds on others.  The shoulds that you place upon life are causing you anxiety, fear, anger, and disappointment.

It is only the “conditional should” that is not damaging—you can tell you have one because it fits into the “if-then” format, linking an action and an exact consequence. (For example, “If I want to keep my teeth healthy then I should brush my teeth”)    Ellis urged us to look for our shoulds, uncover them, reveal them, and hold them to the light of scrutiny.

We love to be reminded of the truth.  A wise friend recently told me that we already deeply know the truth, we just love to be reminded because truth is often obscured through living.  She said that we are like an onion, each layer upon us symbolizing the obscuring of the truth.  She said that each time we are reminded of the truth, it is as though a layer is peeled back, returning us to our original onion core—the core that remembers the original truth that we once knew.  REBT helps to remind us  and reawaken us to our own personal truths.

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Inner guidance on an eagle’s flight…

Today, I sit before my computer, wondering what magical ideas will pass through me and onto the page before me.  I wonder what message I will type that might somehow influence a person who accidentally stumbles upon or purposefully seeks this site.  Then, I inhale deeply and allow myself to relax and type what appears in my mind’s eye.

I am free; an eagle, flying over the open waters, surveying the mountains surrounding the water, feeling the openness of the wind, coasting through the sky, noticing the tiniest rodent, respecting the limits of the ozone by flying beneath the clouds…  I travel, floating and embarking upon a journey with no certain destination, only that of an eventual landing somewhere on high; somewhere that feels like the right place to be.  I am perched.  I am waiting.  I look around and notice that I’m alone.  I am one of the great birds, and yet, alone in the midst of bountiful nature.  Intrigued, I sit and notice that the aloneness doesn’t translate into loneliness, as I know that I am a part of all of it and all of it includes me.

In my freedom, I make choices.  There is choice involved in my flight.  How high will I allow myself to go, how low will I allow myself to sink?  How great will be my journey?  How turbulent the path?  There are many choices before me.  I can seek the company of others as I travel, and then I can reclaim the stillness of my own quiet flight.

Once, I had a broken wing.  It took a long time to heal.  It is well healed now, and sometimes even stronger than the younger, more fragile wing before it.  But, every once in a while, it hurts.  Where I remember the injury, I find compassion for others whose wings are now broken.  I fly near them, reminding them that they will soon be flying again, reminding them not to give up, reminding them that their greatness is not diminished by their injuries, and then, at once, I’m free.

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