What is the goal of putting all of this stuff together?  Why do I keep harping on REBT principles and turning inward for guidance?  Trusting yourself? Relying on yourself? Knowing that your answers are often already inside of you–if you’ll be honest with YOU……what’s the reason?

It is for you to have a better quality, and perhaps even quantity, of life.  We only know of one definite time that we’re here–there may be more, but we don’t know for a fact–so, given that, it makes sense to approach our life as a one-shot proposition.

What improves quality of life, according to Albert Ellis, founder of REBT?  Things like striving for our long term enjoyment, practicing being an individual without approval-needing, being aware of yourself and your feelings, being aware of how you create your feelings, taking responsibility for your behaviors, accepting that there is uncertainty & that sometimes things are just not known to us, building our own frustration tolerance and flexibility, accepting that we have a biology & we are animals too, committing to a goal, being creative, being interested in others, being ethical, accepting ourselves/others/life conditions, taking risks, and trying new things.  It takes work.  But it is good to know what we’re working for.

Pick any of the things in the paragraph above & just start working at it.  I’ve found that doing the things above actually frees me up energetically so much so that it is MUCH easier to march to the beat of my own funny drummer.

–Dr. Pam

http://www.myinnerguide.com

Albert Ellis originally posited that there were twelve false ideas that people fell prey to believing.  These are worth thinking about, even thought they tend to fall under THREE MAJOR IRRATIONAL beliefs that Ellis distilled later in his career.

I’m going to put these into my own words, so this is my “translation” of the original 12 that Ellis discussed in 1955.  You might want to check out The Albert Ellis Reader, edited by Ellis and Blau, because it has a great collection of his writings.  Anyway, here are the 12–see if you do any of these:

1. We believe that it is life or death that we get love and approval from others.
2. We think that people who do wrong acts things are 100% evil.
3. We think that when things aren’t going the way we want them to go, that it is terrible, horrible, and catastrophic & that life must be as we want it to be.
4. Because we want this, we think that unpleasant conditions mustn’t exist–when they do, they are the source of unhappiness.
5. We think that if something is outside of our comfort zone, we should feel scared & anxious about it.
6. The idea that hassels shouldn’t even exist!
7. The idea that we have to always rely upon something greater than ourselves, rather than on ourselves.
8. The idea that we have to be competent and good at everything we do, in all ways.
9. The idea that if something affected us once, it will affect us indefinitely (that the past dictates the present & future).
10. The idea that other people have to do what we want them to do.
11. The idea that human happiness is something that just happens & takes no work on our parts.
12. The idea that our emotions just happen & we don’t have any control over them.

Eventually, Ellis distilled this into 3 main irrational beliefs that people use to disturb themselves.  These are also known as the 3 MUSTS & are

1. I must do well & gain approval.
2. Others must treat me fairly & nicely.
3. Conditions must be comfortable and hassle free.

Next time you’re feeling depressed, angry, panicky, or whathaveyou….see if you’re doing any of these.  Part of the joy of turning toward your own inner guidance is that you will become more self-directed and more aware of the truth or fallacy of your beliefs.

–Dr. Pam

http://www.myinnerguide.com