Projective identification, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Inner Guidance
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
I have noticed, in working with many individuals, especially those with Borderline Personality Disorder, that there is a tendency to avoid listening to the Inner Guide.
It is merely my opinion, but in failing to listen to your inner guidance, you might be more prone to make choices that are impulsive and lack empathy for others.
In individuals with Borderline Personality, there is sometimes a tendency to attempt to transfer troubling feelings onto the person who is perceived to be the source of the feelings. Such an individual may blame others for their own feeling states, though it isn’t always the case and the individual can step beyond such blaming.
However, if you are prone to attempting to transfer your pain outward, creating it in another so that you can watch them struggle with it (it is now outside of you), then think about whether this is really victory?
Are you really victorious–you may feel victorious–you’ve released your pain. But, is it a true victory.
Here is how I would define victory for you, if you are prone to such distortions of thought due to your extreme inner turmoil:
A hollow victory is one in which you seek to change the feeling state of another person so that they will experience the pain you’re feeling. You get a momentary feeling of gratification–even pleasure–to see them suffer. You temporarily get rid of your pain by passing it on to them, and this is a short-term gain. It is so gratifying, it can become addictive.
A real victory is one in which you seek to understand your own role in creating your own feelings, learn how to shift your own emotional state from unhealthy to healthy, and choose to take positive actions toward your bigger life goals in spite of whatever pain you’ve just experienced–maybe even because of the pain you’ve just experienced. You opt for the long-term gain of reaching your goals and learning self-mastery, rather than short-term gratification.
How can you begin to heal your emotional pain? There are many paths. Many of you may think that you cannot stand to go on, struggling with the pain. You can see only the pain and you cannot see beyond it.
The truth is that if you take positive action, even in the presence of the emotional pain, you will promote your healing. In other words, don’t delay taking positive growth-promoting action, simply because you are in emotional pain. The emotional pain can stop you from moving forward if you believe that you must heal it completely before living a life of value. However, if you start living a life of value, you can often heal as you grow.
Throughout this process, continue to turn inward for guidance. You might say, “All I hear is pain when I turn inward. All I can do is think about how I can get rid of the pain.”
Again, this is just my 2 cents. So, if it doesn’t fit for you, it doesn’t fit & that’s cool. But, here’s my thought about it: when you see the pain as something that is only a part of your experience, and NOT YOU, then you will realize that the voice of the pain cannot be your inner guidance. Your inner guidance is the voice that is attempting to break through the pain–it is the voice within you that says, “Of course you must go on. You are here for a reason. Look past the petty. Take the higher ground. Soothe yourself in healthy ways. Then take positive steps toward a healthy goal.”
What do you think about this?
Dr. Pam
http://www.myinnerguide.com
