Thursday, January 31st, 2008
Since I started writing the e-zine Insourcing: Inner Guidance Secrets, I’ve received wonderful and interesting e-mails from the readers. Occasionally, I receive e-mails which ask the very specific question, “What should I do?”
These “What should I do” type of e-mails relate to readers’ personal problems and concerns. I appreciate that people are willing to ask me for my opinion. I also appreciate that they are reaching out for help. Do not stop reaching out!
But, I realized as I would attempt to diligently answer these e-mails, that there were four things that kept coming up for me. I’d like to share these thoughts with you and hear what you think.
1. What I’ve realized is that the question, “What should I do?” often implies that there is one and only one right course of action.
2. It also assumes that the answer to one’s dilemma is outside of oneself (that is, another person is in a better position to judge for you what this best course of action is).
3. REBT talks about demands versus conditions when the word “should” comes up. For some people, the “should” part of the question can translate into an internal demand (One might say, “I should take this course of action or I’m no good,” for example). For others, the “should” is simply conditional (One might say, “If I should take this course of action, I should increase my odds of success,” for example).
4. The readers know more about their problems than I do and I often respond with guidelines that might relate to them solving their own problems trusting their inner guidance. I believe this also fosters self-reliance and happiness.
I invite you to continue to send in your questions, so that I might help you to access your own answers. I also hope that you will ask yourself these questions:
Am I seeking information, advise, or sympathy? What is my goal?
Is it really true that there is only one right answer to my question? OR, Can there be many paths to the same outcome?
What are some paths which might allow me to create the outcome I desire?
In this instance, is there evidence that another person is in a better position to answer my question than I am?
These questions are best asked when you are in a quiet and relaxed place, and able to tap into your inner guidance. If your mood is unhealthy, it is a good idea to take steps to improve your mood first. For example, I recommend using Dr. Albert Ellis’s REBT to help improve your mood before this process of inner questioning takes place (as discussed in Power of Inner Guidance: Seven Steps to Tune In and Turn On).
Then, you can get the ideas of others. For example, I turn to my mastermind group once a week to tap into the power of their brilliance and the group synergy. It is still okay to ask for help and to get feedback as to whether your answers for yourself are ethical to yourself, others, and the world as a whole. You can gain greater clarity as you discuss your ideas and as you hear the opinions of others.
All I am saying is that I hope for you to honor your healthy inclinations first and foremost, remembering to take time for yourself and tap into the wonderful source of wisdom that is already residing within YOU! There are gifts within you waiting to be claimed. The more you own them and utilize your gifts, the more you will enjoy the pleasure of following your heart rationally.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!
Pam Garcy, PhD