July 28th, 2010
There are times when self-criticism and self-doubt get in the way of us accessing our inner guidance. It is at these times that it becomes helpful to turn outward toward positive influences. Inspiration can remind us that we are just as capable of creating good in the world.
Unfortunately, many folks turn outward without the focused intention of being positively influenced. These folks are then vulnerable to negative influences.
For this reason, it is especially important to have a place to turn for this positivity. One source is The Positive Newscast. I would really recommend this to you because the focus is on the positive–when we feel positively, we are strengthened to look at things more rationally & we have an easier time accessing our inner wisdom.
If you would like to be inspired, I would invite you to listen to this interview which I submitted to Positive Newscast, whose motto is “only the good news”:
http://positivenewscast.blogspot.com/2010/07/positive-newscast-1-overcoming.html
If you enjoy it, you can follow it up by accessing the other benefits of this newscast.
Be well & get inspired!
Pamela Garcy, PhD
PS–If you would like to work with me, please contact me. Please note that there is often a wait of 1-2 weeks to schedule your initial visit, so please plan accordingly.
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July 21st, 2010
I just set up a new listing on a therapy site called Therapy Next (http://therapynext.com/Therapist-Profile.aspx?pid=665). I surprised myself as I typed that I was selective about who I treat & that I keep my practice small–this is a new approach for me on my listings, as I usually don’t share that truth…until I realized that it is a way to be a role model for following one’s inner guidance.
Over the years, I have learned that what is good for me is also good for my clients. If I can only handle 15 patients a week, it is good for me and my clients to admit that to myself. If I want to keep my practice small so that I can devote myself to my patients & really offer them an awesome therapy experience, this is good for me and for my clients.
So, if you ever doubt whether following your inner guidance is good for you, remember that if it is good for you & it is good for others, it is probably a great path.
Pam
Please check out this new listing & tell me what you think: http://therapynext.com/Therapist-Profile.aspx?pid=665
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July 17th, 2010
I run a free group in the community once a month. It isn’t a therapy group, but rather a group in which I give psychology away to people for free. Why? Because I want for people to be able to free themselves up to be able to trust and listen to their inner guidance. In psychology terms, I want to help people to be freer from psychopathology & more self-directed. So, I give it away freely & with gusto! I know that if more people will address their emotional well-being, the world will be a happier and safer place for all of us & for our children.
Anyway, at our last group, I reviewed cognitive errors, which is chapter 17 in my book The REBT Super-Activity Guide. The question came up over and over–“How can I correct these errors? I see what I’m doing–how can I fix it?”
So, today we’re having a follow-up to the last group, where the question came up. I’m going to answer the question for the participants. In case you can’t join us, I wanted to share the content with you.
These suggestions are based on some of what I use when I work with clients using REBT and CBT methods, by the way.
When you are feeling unhealthy negative emotions, you are feeling them for a reason. The reason is usually linked back to your thoughts. Use your unhealthy negative feelings as a signal that it is time to look at what you are telling yourself—what is the story that you tell yourself? What do you allow yourself to believe about the situation?
As you start the process of correcting your thinking error, remind yourself that thinking errors are normal to make & are encompassed under normal human error. As human beings, we are designed to make mistakes. So, just because YOU make a thinking error, it doesn’t make YOU wrong, bad, inadequate, crazy or a loser.
Why do we make these mistakes in thinking—why are we designed to do so? We do so because we are trying to simplify. We simplify to increase efficiency. The goal of efficiency is to improve our own (1) self-protection and (2) self-enhancement. However, it is when we realize that our thinking errors (1) decrease our self-protection and (2) are usually self-defeating that we begin to allow ourselves to correct these errors.
Start by identifying the thinking error & then look at the table to find ways to correct it. It takes diligent work to break a habit, but it can be broken. Here is a table that will help you with specific corrections for specific errors:
Corrections for thinking errors follow:
Overgeneralization Look for exceptions to your rule
Black and White Thinking Look for the shades of gray
Labeling Define the label. Find instances in which the person doesn’t meet the criterion for the definition.
Magnification/Minimization If exaggerating, try on the understatement. If understating, try on the exaggeration. Then, look at this with relative thinking.
Jumping to conclusions Slow down and get more data for your conclusion—ask yourself if you have all the information Fortune telling Do several prediction experiments and see how accurate you are. If you are not 100% accurate, recognize that you don’t have a crystal ball.
Mind reading Ask questions to determine whether your assumption about others is right or wrong. Work to find the actual reasons for the person’s behavior.
Making “should” statements Change the demand into a preference OR explain the opposite “should”. Remember that just because someone could doesn’t mean they must.
Blaming Look for other contributing factors. Draw a responsibility pie chart to determine how much blame could realistically be assigned to one factor.
Ignoring information Open your eyes to remaining information: what is the rest of the story? If you are focusing on the negative, spend 5 to 10 minutes discussing the positives that you are ignoring.
I feel therefore it is so or emotional reasoning Look at the evidence for and against your conclusion. Recognize that your feelings may be related to other causes (for example, something happened earlier, HALT, person reminds you of someone, etc.).
Awfulizing or Catastrophizing Finish the sentence, “At least _____” (For example, at least he still has a job or at least we are still talking) OR the sentence, “It could be worse. It could be that ______.” List lots of examples of how it could be worse. Ask yourself what good could come of this?
Low Frustration Tolerance or “I-can’t-stand-it-itis” or “I want what I want when I want it” Remind yourself that you are already “standing it” or you wouldn’t be alive! Then work to develop even higher frustration tolerance and patience. Challenge yourself to tolerate whatever it is that is going on but not focus exclusively on it. When you are not working on reducing the thing that is blocking you from your goal, work on finding things you can enjoy outside of the frustrating event. For example, you can work to accomplish another goal or to find pleasure in another life area.
I am my feelings/I am my problems Recognize other feelings that you have had in the past that are different from the one you have now. Then remember that just because you feel a certain way, it doesn’t make YOU into your feeling. Recognize other problems that you’ve solved in the past. Then remember that just because you are facing a life problem, it doesn’t mean that YOU are the life problem.
Here are some additional techniques you can try with any of the thinking errors (these are more techniques I use with my clients): Examining the evidence for & against your idea, experimenting to test your idea, looking at whether the idea is helping you or not, finding other explanations besides your conclusion, asking yourself how you’d talk to a friend in the same circumstance, asking other people how they’d see it, rephrasing what you say to be more kind/confident/etc.
Please note that sometimes people are stuck in an ingrained vicious cycle of thought & benefit from help, which is one aspect of the work I do as an REBT/CBT therapist. Sometimes friends, family, and unskilled therapists will inadvertently reinforce thinking errors , so it is important to be careful when selecting a partner in emotional healing.
Once you correct the thinking error, you release the block. Once you release the block, you can feel relaxed, joyous, peaceful, and harmonious, which I believe are the states which lead to an openness to your inner guidance.
To your success,
Pamela D. Garcy, Ph.D.
Dallas Clinical Psychologist & Coach
My new book is available on amazon & is called The REBT Super-Activity Guide
Author of the #1 National Bestseller The Power of Inner Guidance: Seven Steps to Tune In and Turn On
Co-author of the bestseller Wake Up Moments of Inspiration
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July 12th, 2010
Bountiful Benefits of Coaching by Pam Garcy, Ph.D.
You might be wondering whether coaching is right for you. As a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, I do two primary types of work with people. Some of the people I see are coming to me for emotional healing. This is type of work is deep and helps people who are going through emotional turmoil. I enjoy this work very much and it is an honor to be a part of people’s healing. The other type of work that I do is coaching. This type of work is also very powerful for people’s lives.
The people who come to me for coaching are usually those who have a specific goal or set of goals that they are trying to reach. The work that is done in coaching involves helping you to get very clear on your goals, helping you to leverage these goals so that your motivation to reach them will remain stable, helping you to generate your own path for reaching your goals, and helping you to take continuous action toward your goal—even when you feel like giving up on yourself.
Often people abandon the bigger goals that they set for themselves due to fear, discouragement, lack of ability to sustain motivation, lack of organization, lack of life balance, or lack of support. Coaching can help with all of these factors.
Here are some indications that you might benefit from coaching:
You have a goal you want to reach
You have not been successful in reaching the goal
You would like a partner in reaching this goal—not just any partner, but someone who has a skill set to help you to define your own path & reach your goal with greater efficiency
Here are some potential benefits to getting coaching:
Helps you get excited and motivated toward your goals
Generates improvements in your performance toward reaching your goals & targets
Helps you identify blocks to reaching your goals
Helps you to stop procrastinating in taking action
Helps enhance self-confidence Gives you an accountability partner
Gives you support and encouragement Helps you to make small corrections in behavior that lead to big changes
Feel free to contact me if I can answer any questions about this for you or someone you love.
To your success!
–Dr. Pam
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June 29th, 2010
I recently joined a club called Club Fearless. The focus of the club is upon living a life that is unbridled. My mentor, bestselling author of over 20 books and leader of Club Fearless, Steve Chandler, is allowing me to share something really wonderful with you!
Recently, Steve conducted a webinar about Motivating Others. In this webinar, I served as the panelist and was able to ask Steve my personal questions about motivation, parenting, business, and helping others.
If you have an interest in motivating others, you’ll enjoy this.
Go here for the (smaller) mp3 file:
https://www.box.net/shared/s464z2b22o
And go here for the (much larger) wav file, which can be used to create an audio CD:
https://www.box.net/shared/mor8bnpgj0
It is definitely worth it to take a minute to listen to Steve. He is so inspiring & dedicated to helping others.
To your success,
Dr. Pam
PS–Watch for my upcoming tele-coaching program on HARNESSING YOUR INNER GUIDANCE…it is about the process of getting out of your own way & allowing your inner guidance to help you…coming soon!
PPS–Thanks for all of the great comments on my recent book, The REBT Super-Activity Guide! It was as fun to write as it is to use–I use it every month with my group, The Dallas REBT CBT Meetup Group.
PPPS–To purchase my new workbook, go here:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_14?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+rebt+super-activity+guide&sprefix=The+REBT+Super
To join our meetup go here: http://www.meetup.com/The-Dallas-REBT-CBT-Meetup-Group/
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May 12th, 2010
Dear Friends,
I wanted to alert you that a new book by Dr. Ellis will be released soon.
It is called ” All Out: An Autobiography” and was written by Dr. Albert Ellis. The publisher is Prometheus Books.
You will be able to purchase this book on Amazon.
This is the last book written by Dr. Ellis. It is my understanding that Dr. Ellis was working on this book throughout his final days, even when he was physically weak. I am eager to read it & learn more from this great master in our field. His determination to write this book lead me to be even more determined to purchase and read it as soon as it is released.
It will probably be available sometime this summer. Here is the link:
http://www.amazon.com/All-Out-Autobiography-Albert-Ellis/dp/1591024528/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273671205&sr=1-1
To your success,
Pamela D. Garcy, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+rebt+super+activity+guide
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April 7th, 2010
Dear Readers,
The post which follows has to do with one of my passions–correcting my own grammar (and the grammar of my students). Those of us who trust our inner guidance tend to take our passion to the hilt.
Grammar geeks, please feel free to enjoy & then comment on the following:
Many of my students are questioning me about the use and omission of the word “that,” and I have been on a quest to find the truth. My initial reaction was to say, “I challenge you to make it through the day without using THAT word.”
Then I searched several grammar books in our school library. The only writing I could find was on the use of “that” versus “which,” so this was insufficient.
So, I asked my mother, who obtained her degree in English. She said that she’d not heard of such a rule.
I then turned to my sister, a federally appointed judge who was selected as the Line Editor of her Law Review Journal at Bates College of Law. She also had not heard of “that” omission.
I spoke with a college English instructor who was educated in England. She she said “that” could sometimes create redundancy and could often be eliminated in academic writing, though complete elimination of the word would probably create problems for the reader.
I wondered whether the shift in “that” useage was a generational or regional phenomenon, as my professors at Rice did not teach me this writing rule.
Apparently, others appear to be discussing the use of the word “that”…and that is of interest to me, as it relates to this question.
The first article below (Columbia University) argues for keeping “that” and the second (Cambridge) argues for redefining the rules around “that”. I also came across some blogs by grammar geeks. These tended to come to the same conclusion: keep “that” when it serves as the subject or object of the sentence,or when needed to promote clarity. I noticed another which suggested omission of “that” when substituting it with a comma after an imperative. For example, “Remember that blah blah blah,” could be changed to, “Remember, blah blah blah.” However, it doesn’t appear to be widely accepted as convention, as far as I can determine.
CJR : Resources : Language Corner
http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=522092
This is from a grammar geek’s blog:
Theodore Bernstein lists three conditions in which we should maintain the conjunction that:
When a time element intervenes between the verb and the clause: “The boss said yesterday that production in this department was down fifty percent.” (Notice the position of “yesterday.”)
When the verb of the clause is long delayed: “Our annual report revealed that some losses sustained by this department in the third quarter of last year were worse than previously thought.” (Notice the distance between the subject “losses” and its verb, “were.”)
When a second that can clear up who said or did what: “The CEO said that Isabel’s department was slacking off and that production dropped precipitously in the fourth quarter.” (Did the CEO say that production dropped or was the drop a result of what he said about Isabel’s department? The second that makes the sentence clear.)
Do you have any sources on the matter? I would like to get down to the bottom of this (and that!).
Would you agree that an indiscriminate omission could impair writing clarity? I would really like to hear your opinion on this matter, as I’ve noticed an impairment in writing clarity when “that” is omitted indiscriminately.
Continue to follow your inner guidance!
Dr. Pam
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October 14th, 2009
Hi, everyone. In my work with clients, I usually sit down with them in my private and comfy office (which I love). I’ve decorated the walls with little ceramic signs that say things like, “Love,” “Laugh,” “Learn,” and “Follow Your Heart.” There’s homey furniture and pretty coasters, that my clients use for their mugs of tea or coffee, or sometimes for their gatorade. My hope is that the cozy and loving atmosphere will empower my clients to feel at home and to begin to open up to me. My hope is that they will know that they are safe to share what blocks them inside, and they are safe to dream beyond those blocks.
We sit and I take a deep breath, settle back in my chair, absorb myself in my client’s eyes and voice, and simply focus my energy upon the person in front of me. I want to truly listen to what my client is telling me. My goal is to listen carefully and really hear what the client is telling me. In the process of the person talking, he or she often begins to relax, unwind, and unfold. It is in that relaxation that the individual can truly open up to me about what is troubling him or her. And, it is in that relaxed and concentrated space that I can begin to offer questions to my client, and that i can help him or her to tap into inner guidance.
As much as I love and enjoy using and teaching REBT to my clients and inner guidance methods, what I love most is when my clients begin to use what they learn on themselves. I have noticed that over time, many of my clients begin to “self-correct” or “self-heal” right before my eyes. There are times when I am getting ready to ask a thoughtful question which will lead them to develop a more helpful understanding, or even a new philosophical stance. It is great fun to be surprised when a wonderful new idea emerges from my client’s mouth without my question ever leaving my lips. And–this is a key point–it is always much better than anything I would have imagined for them.
Part of what makes this aspect of the process fun for me is that I realize that my client is growing in the trust of his or her self-direction, becoming aware of the inner resources that are waiting to be harnessed.
I am grateful to my clients for reminding me that inner guidance is alive and well in each of us.
Dr. Pam
http://www.lifeisincredible.com
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May 29th, 2009
What is the goal of putting all of this stuff together? Why do I keep harping on REBT principles and turning inward for guidance? Trusting yourself? Relying on yourself? Knowing that your answers are often already inside of you–if you’ll be honest with YOU……what’s the reason?
It is for you to have a better quality, and perhaps even quantity, of life. We only know of one definite time that we’re here–there may be more, but we don’t know for a fact–so, given that, it makes sense to approach our life as a one-shot proposition.
What improves quality of life, according to Albert Ellis, founder of REBT? Things like striving for our long term enjoyment, practicing being an individual without approval-needing, being aware of yourself and your feelings, being aware of how you create your feelings, taking responsibility for your behaviors, accepting that there is uncertainty & that sometimes things are just not known to us, building our own frustration tolerance and flexibility, accepting that we have a biology & we are animals too, committing to a goal, being creative, being interested in others, being ethical, accepting ourselves/others/life conditions, taking risks, and trying new things. It takes work. But it is good to know what we’re working for.
Pick any of the things in the paragraph above & just start working at it. I’ve found that doing the things above actually frees me up energetically so much so that it is MUCH easier to march to the beat of my own funny drummer.
–Dr. Pam
http://www.myinnerguide.com
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May 29th, 2009
Albert Ellis originally posited that there were twelve false ideas that people fell prey to believing. These are worth thinking about, even thought they tend to fall under THREE MAJOR IRRATIONAL beliefs that Ellis distilled later in his career.
I’m going to put these into my own words, so this is my “translation” of the original 12 that Ellis discussed in 1955. You might want to check out The Albert Ellis Reader, edited by Ellis and Blau, because it has a great collection of his writings. Anyway, here are the 12–see if you do any of these:
- We believe that it is life or death that we get love and approval from others.
- We think that people who do wrong acts things are 100% evil.
- We think that when things aren’t going the way we want them to go, that it is terrible, horrible, and catastrophic & that life must be as we want it to be.
- Because we want this, we think that unpleasant conditions mustn’t exist–when they do, they are the source of unhappiness.
- We think that if something is outside of our comfort zone, we should feel scared & anxious about it.
- The idea that hassels shouldn’t even exist!
- The idea that we have to always rely upon something greater than ourselves, rather than on ourselves.
- The idea that we have to be competent and good at everything we do, in all ways.
- The idea that if something affected us once, it will affect us indefinitely (that the past dictates the present & future).
- The idea that other people have to do what we want them to do.
- The idea that human happiness is something that just happens & takes no work on our parts.
- The idea that our emotions just happen & we don’t have any control over them.
Eventually, Ellis distilled this into 3 main irrational beliefs that people use to disturb themselves. These are also known as the 3 MUSTS & are
- I must do well & gain approval.
- Others must treat me fairly & nicely.
- Conditions must be comfortable and hassle free.
Next time you’re feeling depressed, angry, panicky, or whathaveyou….see if you’re doing any of these. Part of the joy of turning toward your own inner guidance is that you will become more self-directed and more aware of the truth or fallacy of your beliefs.
–Dr. Pam
http://www.myinnerguide.com
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